Self... Annoyance?

It's annoying as shit that I sometimes leave things unsaid or undone because I'm scared of saying or doing them wrong. I still have this annoying obsession for perfection somewhere deep down. And my silence often leads to conversations with me yelling "I know that already!", which nobody believes because I haven't indicated my knowledge about the subject. Which makes me look like an idiot, which is what I've been trying to avoid the whole damn time.

I'm sickly afraid of not knowing things. But you know what? I will never learn if I won't fucking ask about things I don't know about. And I won't learn to do things I can't yet unless I admit I can't do them and have someone to fucking teach me.

This is pretty much the only problem I have with myself these days. I'm shy in a pretty funky way. I'm shy of showing my weaknesses, although I always preach about how it's OK to be weak and "weakness" and "strength" are only made up words that don't really make us any better or worse. I'm such a stupid prick sometimes. I have to get this shit to really sink in. Because I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be a scaredypants shy little girl.

I do know loads of things. Most of the time I just can't remember them. I forget half of the things I read which is especially annoying with mythology and herbalism. I don't really learn that well by reading. Listening to someone that knows their shit and is passionate about the subject, however, makes stuff really stick in my head. I like listening to people lecturing - although the subject can make all the difference. Also, I curse the people who use fancy words without explaining them. I mean, no, for example "typographic ligature" isn't a fancy word for someone who's been working in graphic design for years, but to most people it is. I wish the ones explaining things would start from the assumption that I don't know shit. (Then I get a good reason to go "Oi! I knew that already, awesome!" too.)

By the way, this is what a typographic ligature is:

Basically, lumping letters together to either create new ones (in a way) or to make the text more readable and pretty. I like ligatures. <3
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I will go get some tea because I'm still pissed off at myself for not admitting my lack of knowledge like a real man, and missing hitting an axe to my knee since I have never chopped firewood. Ugh.